I Don't, I Can't
by rockrose
Summary: A Lane OneShot. What happens when she starts to doubt her upcoming wedding to Zach?


AN: This is just a little One-Shot. I don't really see Lane and Zach together long term, and I don't see Lane in Stars Hollow forever, which is where I think she'll be if she marries Zach. This is just my take on the whole wedding thing.

* * *

**I Don't, I Can't**

Lane glanced over at Zach, smiling weakly. This was really happening. In just two short months they would be getting married. She was getting cold feet, but she tried to remind herself that this was what she really wanted. She just couldn't help but to wonder if it truly was what she wanted after all.

She and her mother had spent hour's earlier making wedding preparations. With every invitation that was sent out she kept feeling more and more trapped. She was twenty-one. Wasn't that too young?

She rolled her eyes, listening to Zach and Brian fight over the video game they were playing. He was supposed to be helping her, wasn't he? Perhaps if he put a bit more effort into it she wouldn't be feeling quite so trapped. She was doing everything. Yeah, that's it… she was overwhelmed with the plans, no nervous… yeah. Sure.

-GG-

Six more weeks until the big day. Lane couldn't believe it. She thought that a bride was supposed to be excited about getting married. She only felt terrified.

The flowers were picked out, the dress was made. Rory was going to be her maid of honor. Everything was perfect.

But if it was all so perfect, then why did she hate every single plan?

It was her dream wedding, she kept reminding herself. It was everything every little girl could ever imagine. But when she saw herself walking down the aisle, she certainly didn't see Zach on the end. No, it was a man from her past… Dave.

He left a long time ago. For college. California. He left her behind. Zach was here. He was now. He wanted to marry her. But could she really see herself putting up with a lifetime of video games and pettiness. She just wasn't so sure anymore. But everyone expected her to go through with it. After all, they were a perfect Stars Hollow couple. But Lane wanted more. She just wasn't sure how much more she wanted.

-GG-

With every passing day she felt her freedom slipping further and further away. It was almost out of her grasp. She had five weeks left until she was married. Legally bound to someone for her whole life. The more she thought about it, the more archaic the institute of marriage seemed. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. More than anything, she wanted to call the whole thing off.

She started to, once…

"_Zach, I need to talk." She told him, ripping the video game controller out of his hand._

"_Lane, that's so unrock –and- roll. What do you need?" Zach asked, a bored tone to his voice, accented by the roll of his eyes._

"_I can't-"_

"_Lane! Come on, we need to get going!" Rory called over, ready to go with Lane to the Dragonfly to pick out menus. _

Lane had nodded and went with Rory, pushing her feelings aside. After all, if everyone else was so excited about her own wedding, shouldn't she be, too?

-GG-

It was April. She officially had one more month of freedom left.

She picked up the phone, cautiously dialing the number. She never used this number, even though she had it for the past few years.

"Hello?" The voice on the line asked.

"It's me, Lane. I need to talk. I don't know who else to talk to… they all expect me to go through with it, but… but I can't." She cried, hugging her body close.

"Lane, what's wrong?" Dave asked her, worry filling him.

She took a deep breath and told him the story. The whole story.

He listened patiently as she finished.

"Lane, you need to stop worrying about everyone else. Your mom will understand if she has to tell the family not to come. Zach will get over it, eventually. Do what makes you happy, not everyone else." He told her softly.

"I'm not happy." She replied, sniffling. "I can't pledge the rest of my life to Zach. He's a great guy… but I can't marry him. I can't marry anyone right now! I want freedom! I want to go out and travel the world. I want to be able to join a different band if that's what I choose… I want to live my own life."

"Lane, I can't decide what you should do. You need to do that. And to me, it sounds like you know what you need to do."

They continued to talk for a few hours, until Brian walked in.

"I need to go." She told him, not wanting to hang up.

"Lane, if you need someone, a friend, whatever, I'm here." He told her seriously, before saying goodbye.

Lane went to sleep that night at peace for the first time in weeks.

-GG-

Over the next week she tried to find a way to tell Zach she couldn't go through with it, but every time she started to, something interrupted. She was now down to two weeks until the big day.

She cornered Zach and explained to him her feelings. He somehow got her to believe it was just cold feet. That night, she cried herself to sleep.

The following two weeks went quickly. She tried to tell someone, anyone who would listen, that she didn't want to do it. She didn't really want to marry Zach. But no one would listen.

The night before her wedding was her bachelorette party.

She had consumed more than her fair share of alcohol. She took a deep breath. She knew what she had to do. If she waited until morning, she would never have the courage to follow her heart.

Hurriedly, she packed a few bags. She scribbled a note and grabbed the bus ticket Dave had sent her, just in case.

Not stopping to take a look back at what she was leaving behind she left Stars Hollow. She had to do it. For her freedom.

-GG-

The next morning Rory looked around for Lane, to start helping her prepare for the most important day of her life.

She couldn't find her, but saw a note on the counter.

_Everyone,_

_I'm sorry. This wedding, it isn't going to happen. I don't want to get married. I can't. I'm going away to find myself. Please understand. I'm so sorry._

_Lane_

-GG-

Lane sat on the bus, watching the states roll away towards California, and for the first time in weeks, she smiled. Everything would be okay now. She was free.

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AN 2: So that's it. Let me know what you think. If you ask nicely, I may be pursuaded to write a Dave and Lane follow up One Shot. But it depends on if you guys want me to or now. 


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